I Like This Conversation With A Customer
I think “conversation” may be too strong a word.
Customer: Hi, am I going crazy or was there fruit around here?
Me: …. Uh….
Customer: Like five hours or so ago?
Customer: This guy was selling 99 cent strawberries.
Me: …. maybe you mean the farmer’s market?
Customer: No, it’s not the farmer’s market! God.
I. Hate. Everything. About. How. Stoli. Decided. To. Name. Their. Flavors.
- This is NOT how the names translate to Russian (except the previously named Peach Vodka. Perski is the English spelled version of the Russian word for peach).
- Just because you added some “i’s” does not make it more exotic or Russian for whatever. It makes you look dumb.
- Sticki? STICKI? Ugh, gross.
- Lolololol, that someone decided to put what the flavors are supposed to be in parentheses on the side as if people couldn’t tell that Chocolat Kokonut is.
- Gala Applik? Applik. Go fuck yourselves.
I Like Writing About Funny People (Kurt Braunohler Edition)
I got a big ol’ comedy boner for Kurt.
I Like Recipes
Man, farro is da bomb. (You can quote me on that, but you must put it in literal quotes i.e. “farro is da [sic] bomb” said Lina).
Farro Salad with Feta and Veggies
- 6 (ish) ounces of farro
- 1/2 a bundle of asparagus
- 1 cup peas
- 1 cup grape tomatoes
- 1/2 a small bundle of dill
- 1/3 cup (or more) feta cheese
- 1/2 lime, squeezed
- 1/3 cup EVOO
- Salt, pepper and garlic powder
- Make dressing. I used a glass jar and got to shake it all together. Super easy though it makes for some shitty clean up.
- Cook farro according to directions, but leave it a tad al dente.
- Place farro in large bowl and pour dressing on it NOW.
- Cook asparagus. I just put a bunch of water in a pan, boil the water, add the cut asparagus and just let it simmer for 4-ish minutes. Add asparagus to farro.
- Cut tomatoes. Add to farro.
- Prepare peas: either open a can or cook some frozen peas. I cooked my frozen peas by just adding them to the farro while it was cooking for the last 3 minutes.
- Add chopped dill.
- Add feta.
- EAT YO FACE OFF.
I Like Discoveries
You know, sometimes you find out things about yourself you didn’t know.
For example, I had no clue that the smell of wet cat food makes me want to die.*
And who knew that I can’t listen to my neighbor play “Frarajaca” on a flute for one hour straight every day from 3pm to 4pm without going insane.
You just don’t know these things until you have to.
*Why am I interacting with wet cat food? BECAUSE I HAVE TO CLEAN MY CAT’S FOOD BOWL YOU WEIRDOS.
I Like Rants
Dear People Of The Universe,
Here are some tips on how to efficiently buy tickets at a box office.
- Treat me with respect and I will be nice to you. Just because I work in customer service does not mean you can treat me like shit.
- Do not take out your aggression on me. I did not set the prices, I am just the messenger. Also, if you are not pleased with what we are offering, do not buy the tickets. Super simple. No need to make a scene.
- Do not hand me your credit card until you ask me ALL of your questions. Seriously, if you want to know where your seats are, make sure I haven’t swiped your card.
- Have an opinion. Listening to people make passive aggressive plans is one of my least favorite things in the WOOOOOORLD. I don’t need to know about you and your non-communicative relationship and I especially don’t need to be a part of you not making efficient plans.
- If possible, do some research because there is only so much I can know about all of the show. I especially have no read or memorized all of the reviews. Sorry, my brain only has so much space.
- DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I WOULD RECOMMEND because it really depends on what you want to see. All of the shows are super different and I don’t know you. If you give me nothing to work with, I will recommend that you see Blue Man Group.
- Oh and on that note, don’t ask me to describe what Blue Man Group is. I can’t. No one can.
- Don’t make me talk to your wife on the phone. I am as afraid of her as you are.
- Check your ticket and your receipt before walking away from the booth.
I Like Memories
I just remembered that when I was 12 years old, I owned a shirt that had two glittery hand prints on the breast area and read “Hands Off!”
I do not remember how I acquired said shirt, but I do remember that my parents found it really amusing.
I also wore it to a Bar Mitzvah.
The price breakdown for the Boston Symphony Orchestra is bat shit insane and I will never not find it funny.
*Also, great choice on using poop brown to represent anything.*