As we pass our usual Chinese restaurant.
Dad: No more.
Dad: *points to restaurant* no more.
Me: What do you mean? They’re closing?
Dad: In my heart. I got bad acid reflux last we went, so no more!
A few months ago, I saw some guy in a bar and I knew that I knew him somehow. I didn’t know how and I spent all night debating if I should go up and be like “This is weird and I apologize if this comes off super creepy, but I think I know you from somewhere. Maybe?” (or rather I should have said “I know you from somewhere. My dreams. Wink”).
After I got home two hours later and I was brushing my teeth, I realized that I knew him because he is a Freedom Trail Guide and he said hello to me at work everyday for months. Also, “Freedom Trail Guides” are a group of people who are a part of my life forever now.
Anytime I am in a bad mood and I say “This sucks,” my dad will agree by saying “This does sucks” and I never correct him because it makes me happy and feel better.
I don’t know if you know this but peanut butter, sugar and butter TASTE AMAZING together (recipe adapted from smitten kitchen).
Peanut Butter Cookies
TIP: You don’t need any of that “dry ingredients, wet ingredients, two bowl” bullshit. Just use one bowl, people. It will be fine.
TIP: Do not move the cookies until they have hardened. They will break and it will be sad.
I have refused to turn the heat on in my room. Yes, I am a crazy person, BUT the heat knob in my room only has two modes: off and sauna, so three blankets it is.
My parents think this is funny and also apparently useful:
Mom: Hey, can you put this cake I made in the fridge?
I go to put it in the refrigerator. There is no space.
Me: Uhhh, I don’t think it will fit.
Mom: Oh, did I say fridge. Sorry, I meant your room. Just put it on the window sill in your room.
At my mother’s birthday party, everyone was Russian except for one person (my sister-in-law’s father).
Additionally, this conversation occurred (in Russian).
"So, we were at a wedding and one of the couples next to us said ‘It’s 6:30. If we don’t leave now, we won’t be able to have sex.’ And so they left and they were 65!"
Everyone laugh and then realized that Garry didn’t get it so this conversation occurred (in English)
"So they were at a wedding and one of the couples next to them said…"
I sighed and my father said “you should write this down.”
I said, “oh don’t worry. It’s burned into my brain forever.”
He said, “No, on your blog.”
The man gets it.
These may be the four best words ever: Double Chocolate Chip Muffins>
Double Chocolate Chip Muffins
Today, my brother, his wife and two kids came over. Chaos ensued.
I overheard my mother and brother say this:
Mom: Oh jeez, this is like an insane asylum.
Brother: No. An insane asylum would be quieter.