Lina's Choice.

May 16

I Like This Conversation With A Customer

I think “conversation” may be too strong a word.

*****

Customer: Hi, am I going crazy or was there fruit around here?

Me: …. Uh….

Customer: Like five hours or so ago?

Me: ……..

Customer: This guy was selling 99 cent strawberries.

Me: …. maybe you mean the farmer’s market?

Customer: No, it’s not the farmer’s market! God.

*****

May 15

I. Hate. Everything. About. How. Stoli. Decided. To. Name. Their. Flavors. This is NOT how the names translate to Russian (except the previously named Peach Vodka. Perski is the English spelled version of the Russian word for peach). Just because you added some “i’s” does not make it more exotic or Russian for whatever. It makes you look dumb. Sticki? STICKI? Ugh, gross. Lolololol, that someone decided to put what the flavors are supposed to be in parentheses on the side as if people couldn’t tell that Chocolat Kokonut is. Gala Applik? Applik. Go fuck yourselves.

I. Hate. Everything. About. How. Stoli. Decided. To. Name. Their. Flavors.

  1. This is NOT how the names translate to Russian (except the previously named Peach Vodka. Perski is the English spelled version of the Russian word for peach).
  2. Just because you added some “i’s” does not make it more exotic or Russian for whatever. It makes you look dumb.
  3. Sticki? STICKI? Ugh, gross.
  4. Lolololol, that someone decided to put what the flavors are supposed to be in parentheses on the side as if people couldn’t tell that Chocolat Kokonut is.
  5. Gala Applik? Applik. Go fuck yourselves.

May 14

[video]

May 13

I Like Writing About Funny People (Kurt Braunohler Edition) -

I got a big ol’ comedy boner for Kurt.

May 12

I Like Recipes

Man, farro is da bomb. (You can quote me on that, but you must put it in literal quotes i.e. “farro is da [sic] bomb” said Lina).

Farro Salad with Feta and Veggies

Ingredients:

Salad

Dressing

Instructions:

  1. Make dressing. I used a glass jar and got to shake it all together. Super easy though it makes for some shitty clean up.
  2. Cook farro according to directions, but leave it a tad al dente. 
  3. Place farro in large bowl and pour dressing on it NOW.
  4. Cook asparagus. I just put a bunch of water in a pan, boil the water, add the cut asparagus and just let it simmer for 4-ish minutes. Add asparagus to farro.
  5. Cut tomatoes. Add to farro.
  6. Prepare peas: either open a can or cook some frozen peas. I cooked my frozen peas by just adding them to the farro while it was cooking for the last 3 minutes.
  7. Add chopped dill.
  8. Add feta.
  9. EAT YO FACE OFF.

May 11

[video]

May 10

I Like Discoveries

You know, sometimes you find out things about yourself you didn’t know.

For example, I had no clue that the smell of wet cat food makes me want to die.* 

And who knew that I can’t listen to my neighbor play “Frarajaca” on a flute for one hour straight every day from 3pm to 4pm without going insane. 

You just don’t know these things until you have to.

*Why am I interacting with wet cat food? BECAUSE I HAVE TO CLEAN MY CAT’S FOOD BOWL YOU WEIRDOS.

May 09

I Like Rants

Dear People Of The Universe,

Here are some tips on how to efficiently buy tickets at a box office.

  1. Treat me with respect and I will be nice to you. Just because I work in customer service does not mean you can treat me like shit.
  2. Do not take out your aggression on me. I did not set the prices, I am just the messenger. Also, if you are not pleased with what we are offering, do not buy the tickets. Super simple. No need to make a scene.
  3. Do not hand me your credit card until you ask me ALL of your questions. Seriously, if you want to know where your seats are, make sure I haven’t swiped your card.
  4. Have an opinion. Listening to people make passive aggressive plans is one of my least favorite things in the WOOOOOORLD. I don’t need to know about you and your non-communicative relationship and I especially don’t need to be a part of you not making efficient plans.
  5. If possible, do some research because there is only so much I can know about all of the show. I especially have no read or memorized all of the reviews. Sorry, my brain only has so much space. 
  6. DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I WOULD RECOMMEND because it really depends on what you want to see. All of the shows are super different and I don’t know you. If you give me nothing to work with, I will recommend that you see Blue Man Group. 
  7. Oh and on that note, don’t ask me to describe what Blue Man Group is. I can’t. No one can. 
  8. Don’t make me talk to your wife on the phone. I am as afraid of her as you are.
  9. Check your ticket and your receipt before walking away from the booth. 

May 08

I Like Memories

I just remembered that when I was 12 years old, I owned a shirt that had two glittery hand prints on the breast area and read “Hands Off!” 

I do not remember how I acquired said shirt, but I do remember that my parents found it really amusing.

I also wore it to a Bar Mitzvah.

May 07

The price breakdown for the Boston Symphony Orchestra is bat shit insane and I will never not find it funny. *Also, great choice on using poop brown to represent anything.*

The price breakdown for the Boston Symphony Orchestra is bat shit insane and I will never not find it funny.

*Also, great choice on using poop brown to represent anything.*