My mother is currently watching a Ukrainian show called “Hata Na Tata” which translates to “House for Dad” (“Hata” means house and “Tata” means dad, so bam).
It’s kind of like the inverse of “Wife Swap,” but instead of swapping moms, the moms leave to go on vacation and the dad is left in charge.
Here is a snippet of the dialogue:
Child: Dad, I’m want to eat.
Dad: Wanting to eat is not like wanting to shit. You can wait.
Solid choices all around, folks.
My parents moved from the USSR to the US 23 years ago.
Today I showed my dad Buzzfeed article about #SochiProblems. This was the conversation we had:
Me: Daddy, the article says “Vladimir Putin has rejected the allegation that one-third of the total cost of the games is being siphoned off by corrupt officials and construction companies.”
Dad: Yeah, that’s because two-thirds are being siphoned off. BOOM.
Drops proverbial mic on the ground. Exits room immediately.
My dad is an extreme couponer BUT ONLY at CVS.
Dad: Lina! CVS just sent me a letter saying that I am in the top 13% of savers.
Me: Oh, that’s awesome.
Dad: NO, I’m not even top 10.
Me: Well, I guess that can be your New Year’s Resolution.
Dad (thinking): Yes… yes… that’s good.
I am on a salad dressing kick and life is sweet (and sometimes sour but very dressed).
Ginger Salad Dressing
Well, I don’t really, but my thought is that if I put them out in the universe maybe they will dissipate “Color of the Wind” style.
Cringeworthy Moment #12450: In a screenwriting class, I was attempting to write a comedy and every morning (yes, we had class at 8am. The best time to try to spew your soul on a page and have some tired frat boys read it), no one would laugh.
That is not the worst of it.
One morning, I apparently lost it because after they finished reading my scene, my teacher asked me for my thoughts and I just blurted out “Well, I could hear every sighing so thanks for that.”
8am is also a solid time go right past passive aggressive into pure aggressive. Good for me.
Look, sometimes you stay up until 4am watching the fifth season of Friday Night Lights and then you have all of the feelings and you can’t go to bed.
This is my life. Those are my choices.
As we pass our usual Chinese restaurant.
Dad: No more.
Dad: *points to restaurant* no more.
Me: What do you mean? They’re closing?
Dad: In my heart. I got bad acid reflux last we went, so no more!
A few months ago, I saw some guy in a bar and I knew that I knew him somehow. I didn’t know how and I spent all night debating if I should go up and be like “This is weird and I apologize if this comes off super creepy, but I think I know you from somewhere. Maybe?” (or rather I should have said “I know you from somewhere. My dreams. Wink”).
After I got home two hours later and I was brushing my teeth, I realized that I knew him because he is a Freedom Trail Guide and he said hello to me at work everyday for months. Also, “Freedom Trail Guides” are a group of people who are a part of my life forever now.